Why you’re not getting the results you want from therapy

When you’re not getting the results you want, you may be blamed. You might here things like, you’re weren’t clear on your goals, you havent’ been applying what was discussed for you. Or you’re not quite ready to work through things in therapy.

Total BS.

You’re in pain. You’re seeking help. You want something different.

It’s not your fault, if therapy isn’t working.

Let’s explore this…

Why traditional talk therapy sometimes makes things worse.

If you have had trauma and you have intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, and intense feelings in your body, talking about it will revivify it and cause you to re-experience the intensity of the trauma. This is the iatrogenic effect of talking about trauma, it unintentionally makes the original condition worse.

When I caught my ex cheating, I was devastated. I had wasted years of my life and felt overwhelming shame so I went for talk therapy 3 times a week. I kept talking but it didn’t resolve how I was feeling, so I kept going back, revivifying the shitty experience, talking about how I had wasted my life with someone who was lying to me.

I talked to friends, family, anyone who would listen to how I was feeling. But talking didn’t solve anything and I kept going around in circles, feeling worse after having talked about it so I needed to go back to therapy to talk about it some more. So I thought.

You’re not connecting with the therapist

The relationship matters. It actually is the most important factor in healing complex trauma.

If you don’t feel safe or understood, you can stay stuck AF so you need to find the right space to do the work and stick with it.

It’s okay to try different therapists until you find the right one. You’re not being difficult—you’re being authentic about what you need.

You don’t feel ready to go there yet

Sometimes people come to therapy because they know something’s wrong, but they don’t feel ready to dig into it. That’s okay. You can start slow. But if you’re holding back a lot, it can make the process feel stuck. A good therapist will work at your pace.

If your therapist is requiring you to talk about the painful, personal details of your past and that’s not your thing. That’s cool.

Who said remembering is recovering?

No one. Ever.

Remember will reviviify trauma and make you feel worse. I get it. You want to get away from the intrusive thoughts and shitty intense feelings in your body, that cause you to experience the trauma over and over. Talking about it is the last f*cking thing you need right now.

Healing trauma with visual, instead of verbal pathways is more gentle and effective anyways. Observed and Experiential Integration (OEI) uses visual pathways to heal trauma, without requiring you to talk about it.

You’re doing work—but it’s under the surface

Sometimes the brain and body are shifting things before you consciously notice. If you’re feeling more tired, more emotional, or even more irritable, that might actually be a sign the therapy is working. Your system is reprocessing.

OEI therapy gets your brain to do the heavy lifting. You don’t have to consciously do the work because your brain is designed to heal itself. And we can put you on that pathway, to gentle, effective healing.

What you can do

Hop on a free call and get to know the therapist who is able to work with how the brain is designed to heal with visual pathways that trauma gets stuck in.

Give yourself credit for showing up and acknowledge all the little ways you’re moving forward.

Track small changes, and share the shifts.

Let’s connect.