Looking for Answers From Your Therapist? Here’s Why.

Have you ever sat across from your therapist and thought, “Just tell me what to do.”

When I found out my ex was cheating and I realized that he was more committed to cheating and lying than he was to me. I left the relationship, or whatever it was. It was definitely not what I thought it was.

I was in meltdown mode and went to therapy 3 times a week.

I was so confused I just wanted someone to tell me what to do.

I never got answers from my therapist. Just more questions.

I was left e feeling even more confusion.

Here’s why.

Why trauma shuts down your thinking brain

When you’re under stress, confused or triggered AF, your brain’s survival center—the amygdala—takes the wheel.

Your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for logic and making good long-term decisions, goes offline.

Your brain is on fire and it’s trying to keep you safe.

When your house is on fire, you’re only focused on getting out. You can’t sit at the kitchen table and plan out how you’re going to remodel it.

You’re not failing at therapy. Your brain is just overwhelmed.

Why trauma makes it hard to make decisions

You know how when you’re calm, you can think through a decision, weigh the pros and cons, and trust yourself?

That’s because your prefrontal cortex is working.

But when you feel unsafe—physically or emotionally unsafe—your brain is just trying to survive.

You might feel like running or go totally blank and freeze.

This is your brain and body in survival mode.

Why Can’t My Therapist Just TELL ME What To Do?

An amygdala hijack is when your emotional brain takes over, you can’t think straight. You’re in survival mode. No thinking required.

When your brain is on fire, it’s hard to know what you want, you might be so emotionally flooded that you’re not able to think clearly.

You want your therapist to just give you the answers.

But a good therapist will never tell you what to do.

What you’re really asking for is for the therapist to lend you their prefrontal cortex, the thinking part of the brain to help you do thinking for you because your PFC is offline.

This is common in trauma survivors.

Why asking for help isn’t weakness

If you find yourself wanting someone else just to give you the answers, just become aware of it.

It’s your brain trying to outsourcing executive function.

It’s adaptive. It’s how your brain is trying to get help to get out of the fire when it’s stuck and can’t see a way out.

How to move forward when your brain is offline

As soon as you understand that your brain is on fire in survival mode, you can get help from someone who knows how to cool down your brain.

The executive functioning brain will come back online as your brain and body begins to feel safer.

You’re not stuck forever.

You just need a little help finding your way back to the person who you know yourself to be, back on the path before you experienced trauma.

Or create a whole new path of possibilities.

Let’s connect.